Once upon a time a woman lived on the rolling Fresno hills. She farmed and loved to listen to music all the time. For this she used her computer, which was filled with meadow elves. One of them was named Sound Card, and he loved to sing. The woman loved to hear his voice all day long. One day she came into the house and there was no sound. She walked over to her computer and found all the elves gathered around Sound Card. He was not moving. The woman picked him up gently. He was breathing softly, but he was deathly ill and had fallen into a deep sleep.
“My dear Sound Card,” she whispered. “You need repair.” The other elves were silent. Even the cows had stopped lowing.
“Is there anyone on the Fresno hills that can help me?” the woman cried. “My poor, poor sound card has fallen ill. Then she heard the sound of feet outside. She opened the door and there was a man riding a giant orange and black beetle. He dismounted and bowed low.
“Are you in need of aid, fair lady?” he asked.
“Yes, yes!” she replied. “You heard my call!”
The man smiled, an evil grin, she shivered. She let him in, he was here to fix her Sound Card, and so she didn’t question it. They walked into her house and he walked over to the prostrate elf.
“He’s sick,” he said.
“I know that,” the woman replied. “Can you fix him?”
“It will cost you thirty gold coins. Also, you already owe me fifteen gold coins for coming out and diagnosing him, so that brings the total up to 45 gold coins.”
“That’s barbaric!” the woman exclaimed. “What kind of monster would charge to simply tell a poor woman what she already knows? I would be more than happy to pay you when he’s well, but not now in my grief and suffering!”
The man stood up and seized her. “I make the rules! I know more about…” and at this moment the door burst open with a loud bang. Another man stood in the doorway. He was skinny and pale, and wore glasses.
“Begone!” he said. “I am the Nerd of Fresno!”
At this the wretched man let go of the woman and scurried away in embarrassment. The scrawny savior walked over to the elf and laid his bony hands on him. As he removed them, the elf jumped back to life and started singing immediately. The woman looked at the Nerd in awe.
“Take this,” she said, offering him the coins that the other man was trying to wrench from her. “You’ve earned my gratitude.”
“I’m always here for you,” he said, and began to walk out the door.
“Wait!” she cried. “How will I know how to find you?”
“I’ll be on call.” Then he was gone.
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