A long, long time ago, in a land not so far away, there was a woman. She lived in the sun-kissed hills around Portland with her horses, who liked to frolic in the fields and play Frisbee. Her great passion was music. She would often call upon the goddess Pandora, who would bless her wood elf named Sound Card with the gift of song. Sound Card would sing merrily in his crisp and clear tone and the woman would listen to it all day long.


One day however, the woman woke up and found that Sound Card was deathly ill. He lay upon his cot, feverish and sweating. The woman had no idea what was happening. She cried “Is there anyone in Portland who can fix my poor, poor, sound card?” The air was quiet and still and the languid fever hung all around. There was no response. Disheartened, the woman stood to get a byte to eat to calm her nerves. As she stood, she heard the sound of feet outside. She opened the door to her home. There stood a tall stranger dismounting a large orange and black beetle.

“Help, help!” she said. “My poor Sound Card has fallen deathly ill!”

“Never fear,” said the stranger, “I am here to help.”

“Praise Pandora!” the woman exclaimed.

They went into her house and the stranger walked over to Sound Card. The woman began to get a nervous feeling. The stranger looked at him and then back at the woman.

“He’s sick,” he said. “He needs repair.”

“I know that,” the woman said.

“It will cost you thirty gold coins, plus fifteen for my diagnosis.”

“That’s preposterous!” the woman exclaimed.

“Then I’ll take it from you!” The man stood and seized the woman by the arm.

Then without warning the door swung quickly open and a slim, pale man, with glasses stood there. “I am The Nerd of Portland!” he exclaimed. “Begone!”

The wretched man dashed from the house and scurried off on his beetle. The Nerd walked to Sound Card and laid a hand over him. Immediately, the elf sat up and piped a single, clear tone. The woman clapped her hands with joy. The Nerd rose and she hugged him. She slipped a bag of coin into his pocket. He turned to go, done with his valiant deed. “If you ever need my help again, I’m here for you.” He said.

“Wait,” she replied. “How will I find you?”

“I’ll be on call.” With a poof he was gone.


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